So that's what it's all about

Hmmm - yes, now I see what the fuss is about.

As I said in my last post I have had an op on my shoulder. I had to have a general anaesthetic as it was due to last an hour and likely to be painful (still is actually - 10 days down the line). I had spoken to to the anaesthetist about the whole thing including pain relief and what I would be getting for the anaesthesia. He told me it would be an IV drug whose name escapes me so I decided to try and stay conscious for as long as possible in order to see what it actually felt like.

Now I have never injected drugs in to myself or been addicted to any pills or potions. I do enjoy alcohol in moderation though and especially that nice warm relaxed feeling after your second glass of wine. But it interested me to wonder what a close approximation of 'hitting up' might feel like.

Well, I didn't like the whole prep for the op; the idea that one is handing over one's life to strangers, the indignity of wearing paper underwear and a horrid hospital smock and so on but let that pass. Wheeled in to the anaesthetic room I obediently stuck my arm out for the needle and the damage to be done. The gas man (anaesthetist) got a vein up immediately and had a fairly painless cannula ( a kind of needle) in a in my hand very quickly. I'm not sure why he chose a hand and not an arm but I'm sure there was a good reason for it - he's the man after all. Then in went a pre-med, a benzodiazepine (Valium is a benzo and this was a more sophisticated version of Valium). The gas man said I'd feel a little woozy in a minute or two.

Then it was hallo stars, hallo sky as the drug reached my brain. I could physically feel it arrive, rather like an extended and intense version of the glass of wine. I told the man it was there and managed to chat on for a few seconds, enjoying the sensation......... then oblivion.

And that's the bit I hated, it really was oblivion; no dreams, no thoughts, a little death. Not nice and to my mind not worth the fleeting pleasure just before. But, of course it is both those things that some people crave, the soft sensation followed by oblivion, a mimicking of death - and in some cases actual death. But not me. I'll stick to the glass of wine and the good meal and not to loss of control and nothingness. Too boring really.